Re: Powerglide! Bombshell!
Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 6:12 pm
Combiner Wars Bombshell and Powerglide
As has already been said, these are basically the worst toys ever made by human hands. I'll try to communicate my thoughts below, though things are still scattered as authorities struggle to clean up wreckage and look for survivors in the aftermath.
Bombshell:
As Dom said, the biggest problem with this toy is that it does not perfectly match with the previously-released Skrapnel. Whereas Skrapnel was a glorious, solid-gold monument to human achievement, constructed to the highest standards, Bombshell is instead simply a potato. An actual potato packed into TF packaging. Worse, it seems the potato was carrying a disease of some sort, for as soon as I removed it from the box, all of my fingers immediately decayed and fell off of my hands. The potato fell on the ground at this, where it remains even now, as it seems to generate a localized gravity field that forces it onto the ground and prevents any amount of strength from picking it up, though legends are whispered that whoever is able to will be crowned the new king of a hateful demon empire. The instructions were littered with racial slurs, and the collector card was just a picture of a gang of Hasbro employees forcibly sodomizing my mother.
Overall rating: 7/10. I generally expect better from Hasbro, especially for ten whole dollars.
Powerglide:
Powerglide was, somehow, even worse than Bombshell. As soon as I touched the toy, razor-sharp blades sprung from it and lodged it into the stumpy clubs that were left of my hands. The toy's internal time machine then activated, and I was whisked back to discover that this toy, Generations Combiner Wars Powerglide, was in fact singularly responsible for the rise of the Nazi empire and the occurrence of the Holocaust. I tried to avert this terrible destiny, but it could not be stopped; the terror of history brought into existence by Powerglide was already set in stone, and I could only watch in horror as cruel events unfolded as we already knew. I returned to my home time, thinking that the revelations I had bore witness to were the worst of it, only to have the toy suddenly detonate in a chemical explosion, leveling the block and killing all of my closest friends, including Brianne Helm, the only girl I ever loved. I held her in my arms just long enough to hear her ask me "...Why?" before she died.
Overall rating: 6/10. Maybe the next Powerglide toy Hasbro makes will be a little better.
In general, Hasbro really needs to step up their game and get back to the standards we've previously expected. Remember when Transformers toys were actual, functioning sentient robot figures, packed onto cards of solid platinum and hand-delivered to your door by Hasbro employees who would then orally pleasure you as thanks for supporting the brand? Indeed, we are living in dark times that Hasbro cannot deliver on those previously-established promises. Clearly, they just hate the fans now.
As has already been said, these are basically the worst toys ever made by human hands. I'll try to communicate my thoughts below, though things are still scattered as authorities struggle to clean up wreckage and look for survivors in the aftermath.
Bombshell:
As Dom said, the biggest problem with this toy is that it does not perfectly match with the previously-released Skrapnel. Whereas Skrapnel was a glorious, solid-gold monument to human achievement, constructed to the highest standards, Bombshell is instead simply a potato. An actual potato packed into TF packaging. Worse, it seems the potato was carrying a disease of some sort, for as soon as I removed it from the box, all of my fingers immediately decayed and fell off of my hands. The potato fell on the ground at this, where it remains even now, as it seems to generate a localized gravity field that forces it onto the ground and prevents any amount of strength from picking it up, though legends are whispered that whoever is able to will be crowned the new king of a hateful demon empire. The instructions were littered with racial slurs, and the collector card was just a picture of a gang of Hasbro employees forcibly sodomizing my mother.
Overall rating: 7/10. I generally expect better from Hasbro, especially for ten whole dollars.
Powerglide:
Powerglide was, somehow, even worse than Bombshell. As soon as I touched the toy, razor-sharp blades sprung from it and lodged it into the stumpy clubs that were left of my hands. The toy's internal time machine then activated, and I was whisked back to discover that this toy, Generations Combiner Wars Powerglide, was in fact singularly responsible for the rise of the Nazi empire and the occurrence of the Holocaust. I tried to avert this terrible destiny, but it could not be stopped; the terror of history brought into existence by Powerglide was already set in stone, and I could only watch in horror as cruel events unfolded as we already knew. I returned to my home time, thinking that the revelations I had bore witness to were the worst of it, only to have the toy suddenly detonate in a chemical explosion, leveling the block and killing all of my closest friends, including Brianne Helm, the only girl I ever loved. I held her in my arms just long enough to hear her ask me "...Why?" before she died.
Overall rating: 6/10. Maybe the next Powerglide toy Hasbro makes will be a little better.
In general, Hasbro really needs to step up their game and get back to the standards we've previously expected. Remember when Transformers toys were actual, functioning sentient robot figures, packed onto cards of solid platinum and hand-delivered to your door by Hasbro employees who would then orally pleasure you as thanks for supporting the brand? Indeed, we are living in dark times that Hasbro cannot deliver on those previously-established promises. Clearly, they just hate the fans now.
